So, it was my 30th birthday on Sunday, for years I had envisioned what this milestone birthday would entail, as you can imagine, social distancing wasn't something I pictured in my celebrations! I had always thought I’d throw a big party, or disappear abroad to see out my 20’s. Instead, my partner tried his hardest to make my day special. We have both had moments stolen from us by this pandemic, instead of being able to propose to me at the top of a mountain on our long-awaited ski holiday, he had to improvise on the last day before the lockdown happened. It was still special, as I told him, I’d still have said yes if he’d popped the question at the local tip! 😂
I’ve found it hard over the last 3 weeks to focus, to stay positive and ultimately to stay creative! I’ve emotionally beaten myself up everyday for feeling that I am underachieving. I scroll through Instagram and see all the amazing art that other creatives are putting out there and feel myself lacking. Self-comparison has always been the curse of social media, but the last 3 weeks have made my absentminded scrolling hard to bear.
Will we bounce back from this? Will our client base still be there when we finally regain some sense of normality? Will everyone be ok? Adding all these worries on top of owning a small business (plus the thought of running out of carbs in the cupboards🤣) and its Anxiety Central in my house!
We were eagerly awaiting the expansion of our business, with months of planning and money wasted, all for naught. Honestly, I feel like I am drowning sometimes. But I wouldn’t have it any other way, I am proud of the business I have built, and I will stand by it even if this pandemic screws our economy.
Although we feel robbed of all these special moments, it feels selfish to pine over such things when we could have lost so much more. Thankfully our family are still healthy, we are in a good place financially, all things we know elude many others currently.
My belief is that even if you don’t create today, or tomorrow, and all you manage to do is get up, get dressed and eat, that you are still living! Not every day has to measure up to what you think others are achieving, surviving is enough.
Maddie x